i resign from myself

i am starting to think that even sweet songs, wentworth miller and cuteoverload aren't enough to cure the sad faces. they just provide a temporary fix, a quick happy face high, if you will.

yesterday was a bad day for me. i am sure it mostly had to with hormones and whatnot but lemme tell ya, it sucked none the less.

i had a pretty lazy day at work, rather unproductive, and i don't think i do well with being unproductive. then i came home to a dark apartment as linc had not left the blinds open. i put in a movie, libertine (review to follow momentarily), watched it in the dark, and the corners of my mouth fell. and not just because of the movie's ending.

linc called later in the evening to tell me he was coming home and i just start crying on the phone. not sure what it is. but i guess every few months or so i do this, it's like my mind/body/being just needs to cry. like a release.

and once i start crying, everything sets me off.

we were watching tv while laying in bed and as we flipped through our few channels, we came across this story about a young couple (20's) who were expecting twins. she was diagnosed with this disease that happens when one twin is taking all the blood/oxygen/life from the other since they share a placenta. they tried this laser surgery that could possibly solve this problem, but it was unsuccesful. one of her twins died. since they share the same amniotic sac, she would have to carry both the live twin and the dead twin in her womb until full term. unfortunately she went into premature labor. her surviving baby was 2.5 months early. he was the tiniest baby. it was heart-wrenching to see his tiny little feet and his tiny little fingers grasping at all the tubes running in and out of his tiny little body giving him life. the father made the comment "that god has a plan, but i think he'll let us keep this one." but the tiny baby died 2 weeks after birth.

can you even begin to imagine? first off, knowing one baby is "killing" the other baby, then having to carry them both to term, then losing the surviving baby.

heart breaking.

i've been having a recurring nightmare that i find out that i am caring twins and linc and i are ecstatic. but there are complications and i deliver two healthy baby girls but die shortly after. i've been having this dream for months.

seeing this little baby then knowing he died shortly after...

heart breaking.

this reminds me of another tv show we watched (probably ABC again) where this man has tourette's syndrome, quite severely. so bad that he practically weighs nothing because he can't hold still long enough to feed himself. plus he uncontrollably hits himself.

while he was still healthy, he married his college sweetheart, he had four children with her. then things got bad. his wife eventually had to put him in a nursing home (he was barely even 30) because she couldn't care for him and the kids.

he qualified for an experimental brain surgery that would lessen the effects of the disease and help him live a more normal life. but during the surgery he suffered a mental breakdown and wasn't able to come home as scheduled. he ended up spending several months in a psych ward. but he overcame. he got better. he was able to feed himself, care for himself. ready to go home.

his wife divorced him. he had to move into a halfway house, all alone. he gets to see his kids every few weeks...

what about in sickness and in health? it wasn't his fault...

whoo - shake it off. wipe the tears. on to less "downer" topics:

movie review time -

final destination 3 - 2.5 out of 4 stars. not nearly as corny as part two, but less gory. plus i get all worked up trying to figure out how the next person is going to die. overall a good movie. glad we didn't spend the $16 to see it in a theater.

v for vendetta - 3.5 out of 4. i really liked it. i thought it was very interesting. made you think. linc fell asleep. worth renting.

annapolis - 3 out of 4. kinda corny, but that's expected. i liked how it tried to keep things realistic, that the underdog doesn't always triumph. james franco looks good too.

libertine - unrateable. not because it was bad but because a) i had never heard of it before seeing it on the shelf at blockbuster and b) good grief, totally not what the back of the box said...
i probably was better off just renting a dirty 16th century porn. has a lot of actors i normally would enjoy (pretty much either in pirates of the carribean 1&2 or pride and prejudice or both) but acting in opposite manners. yowza, what a weird movie. johnny depp looks really young but not in the tasty kinda way. don't see unless you are up for a dirty whore kinda movie.

that's that.

love.